Every Wall That Falls...

When I started Weight Watchers, nearly three weeks ago. I had no idea what it was about, or what it involved me doing. I just knew a few things that my wife had mentioned, because she was considering joining. So, any changes, or revisions were only on the periphery of my attention, and with an attention span as long as a hair on a gnat's ass, that isn't much. As I said before, my decision to join was very much spur of the moment. I really had no time to develop any expectations, or impressions of the program, or how it operates. I remember waaaaay back when, they had cards people carried around in an envelope, or something? I don't know. So, I literally had no idea what sort of changes lie ahead.

No matter my understanding of the ocean of weight loss plans, books, videos, self-help seminars, clubs, challenges, and TV shows, I had made my own observations over the last 50 years. The key observation is that staying in shape in my 30's was work. I stayed active. I ran 5-15 miles, every night. I lifted weights 3-4 days a week, mostly circuit type work. Now, that was more on the level of "athlete" fitness. It was a pretty intense regimen that I adhered to back then. I had a 32 inch waistline. My chest was 52 inches, and my biceps were 17 1/2 inches around. I was solid muscle. On the bench press, I was pressing 400 lbs. I could run 20 miles, and not even get winded. It was a common thing for me to run the whole area around Augusta, GA just to look at fall decorations! At 200 lbs., I felt great, but I was still young enough that I didn't really comprehend the idea of "getting old". This was always within my reach to accomplish! Or so I thought! I was a young parent, and in a career that kept me busy. It wasn't necessary for me to contemplate the effects of getting older.

Then, without notice, came more life changes. Divorce (another one), a career change, and I was still running. Running for sanity! Shortly thereafter, however, I was motivated by the "I want to look better" bug. Oh! You know the one! Especially if you've had to be a single parent before! I have that T-Shirt two times! During this particular mindset of "health and fitness" I found two types out there. We were either the "I just don't give a shit," or "I break every weight loss rule, and record to get into whatever dating weight might be" people. Now, that's a whole other blog, or dime novel, actually. Maybe I should write it under a pseudo name, or something. I'm sure I know the title of it would have to be, "If it Weren't for My Laughing, I'd Be Crying!" Those were the Prozac years for sure! Yeah. I'll have to think about writing that one, if for no other reason, just for shits and giggles. But I digress...

Now, the purpose of that little walk through memory lane, and glory days is that when we are "younger" we think of "losing weight", "eating better", or "eating healthy" in terms of other priorities, for the most part. These are the common mindsets of the 40-ish, and younger folks, unless they are hit by a major health problem like cancer, or a debilitating autoimmune disease, or something similar. Such illnesses are a sort of crossroad that is imposed upon us, rather than chosen. It makes us think "older" than we may be at a given point in our lives. For the rest of us, we still carry some of that "bulletproof" mentality we had as teenagers with us. Nonetheless, the changes were coming for me. Life had other ways of imposing it's will upon me, and my aging body.

It wasn't long into my 40's that my metabolism took another step down, off the platform. It began to look like a fire that needed stirring up again. It was dying out! The pies, cakes, delicious holiday candies, and family dinners seemed to land, but never leave! There were no more long jogs, or hours at the gym to help me atone for such discretions, or balance out a basically sedentary lifestyle, and parenthood of young children. There was cooking, cleaning, homework, chores, and kid's activities to attend. So, I began to inch my way up, just a bit, every month, then year. It seemed like I had done enough at the end of the day, and with that I allowed myself to be convinced, that I deserved to "do nothing", but just for tonight. Then tomorrow night would just be one more. I needed the rest, after all! It became a habit to neglect my exercise; my "me time." Hell, it wasn't as if I was working the lower 40 every day to get a new crop in by fall! I was sitting at a desk for the most part, and doing work that didn't require a great deal of sweat.

So, I grew heavier, and heavier, over time. I would plateau every few years at a certain weight. You know? A good even number, rounding off to the next ten. Then, I would somehow maintain that weight for a "long time" in my mind. I would bitch, and laugh it off, and accept it as normal, and find bigger clothes! Problem solved! The trend was very slow, but ALWAYS on the up tick! I remember being 245 lbs. back in 2012, and that was during a really bad Crohn's flare. Since then, I have slowly inched my way up to 300 lbs. Then I wake up one day, and while staring in the mirror say, "How in the hell did this happen?!" Then the doctor writes the words, "Morbid Obesity" on your chart! "Morbus" from Latin is "Disease", "of or characteristic of disease". It is "unwholesomeness", or "extreme obesity"! That shit is going in my permanent chart! My insurance company will see that! I start to laugh, but it's really serious! (I laugh at the most inappropriate times. Trust me. That was one of them!)

This has gotten out of hand, and as I look back on every weight plateau that I have climbed over the years, I realize that they are now walls which must fall at some point! I have to go back through them! In reverse! I have no idea how long, or about how long it will take me to get back to a true healthy Body Mass Index (BMI), but I have to! I just have to! And this time, I'm not thinking about what the "ladies will think!" I don't give a damn! I have a wife, grown kids! I have seven grandchildren. I'm just trying to stay alive longer! I have had several brushes with my own mortality, already! I know this is the real deal! So, I just get it into my mind that it is going to take a while, and I should settle in for the long game here! That's how this works, after all. Right?

You see, I wasn't ready for any quick results, or instant gratification. I'd prepared myself for a fight. After all, Weight Watchers is designed to be a gradual thing. It is a lifestyle for eating healthy, and not a diet. I'm prepared to do just that. This is a war, not a battle! I didn't build this body in a week! So, I had no expectations of losing weight quickly. Furthermore, I knew that losing too much too fast isn't always a good thing. But I'm fat, and my metabolism is still pretty good for 53 years old. I just have to be careful, having Crohn's Disease. I don't want to trigger a flare. That would be a massive, RAPID weight loss in the most painful way. So, "steady as she goes" is the longterm plan.

Then last week, I got my 10 lb. Weight Watchers metal. The week before that, I had received my 5 lb. weight loss metal! Those were longer term goals that turned out to be short term for me. The first "Wall" that fell for me was the 290 barrier. I could not break that in the past, by "cutting back." Having been to 300 lbs., I knew that it was my next "plateau." But I can't accept that as a norm. Not even at 6' 3".  It was obvious that I had pushed my apathy, and excuses to the max, and I needed to do something. 300 lbs would be a big wall to recover from, because of the exponential trouble that it adds to my existing health concerns. That extra step on up the plateau ladder will only compound matters, and make everything worse, health wise. I'd require more food, and more sugar to satisfy my craving, and out of control hunger, and that will be a nail in my coffin. I'm just not ready for that. So, I looked back at the "walls" that I had to go back through to reach a healthier body mass index, and took a deep breath, almost a sigh, and I put my nose to the grind.

Now, I see each multiple of 10 as a wall. Every increment in between those walls are short term goals. So, I don't expect the "walls" to fall every week. However, I do expect to meet a short term goal. It doesn't matter if it is only 2 lbs., I want to see progress in the right direction. I know I may see some reverse plateau's at some point. However, I am committed to getting to that healthy BMI. So, I make particular notice of reaching the edge of the walls, and then pushing through, and doing what I need to do to get past yet another milestone in my journey. All of this to be accomplished, one step at a time; one day at a time.

Well, it isn't official yet, but I woke up this morning, and decided to check my weight. We bought a new set of scales. They are actually the Weight Watcher scales with the Bluetooth that connects to our phone. (I still haven't set mine up.) I walked into the landing area/laundry, and stepped on the scales. I can't see the weight, and I haven't checked my weight since last week at the AA meeting, I mean! Weight Watchers meeting! I look closely and see 279.4 lbs.! So, I reset the scale, and step on it again. I step off, and there it is again! 279.4 lbs.! Another wall had fallen, and this is only my third week on the program! I can't remember how many years it has been since I saw my weight in the 270 range! I've now lost over 16 lbs. since the last week of August, and it is now 09/18/2018. My next weigh-in is tomorrow night. So, I'll get an official number then. But for now?! I'm excited!

Now, it might not sound like a big deal to some folks, but for those of us who struggle? It is encouraging! I can do this! It is REALLY EASY! I can live like this, and enjoy it! My sugar cravings have a solution in this program, and it works! I can actually taste the food that I eat now. There were so many flavors that I missed out on because of my overwhelming craving for sweets, and starches. Meals are more satisfying, and last longer into the day. My word, I can't tell you how many positive things have come as a result of my going those first 10 days without sugar, or with significantly less of it. It was worth the effort, and choice, and investment, and I love doing this with my sweet wife. I can not thank her enough for being my partner, and friend through it all.

If someone had told me, almost four weeks ago, that I could be 15 lbs. lighter in three weeks, I wouldn't have believed it could have been done without me being pissed off about all that I couldn't eat. Yet, here I sit, writing about it, and sending it out into the ether! This is my journey, and I'm feeling lighter, and clearer in my thoughts than I have in years! So, there is hope for us fat folks! Better yet? There's help out there, and there is no better time to embrace it. As a guy, I am in the minority in the Weight Watcher's groups. But I'm secure in my masculinity, and they called my 5 and 10 lb. gifts "metals" instead of "charms".

~Smyly

#Oprah #Weight Watchers #Winning