Every Journey is Personal

Every Journey is Personal

This one is Mine

This week, I have had to address more of my personal, and physical difficulties, as they relate to my change in weight. I’d like to think that having a belt which needs more holes, or pants falling off in the grocery store parking lot are my biggest concerns. However, it couldn’t just be that fun! So, it was my decision not to write around these things, as was my first thought. So, after some contemplation, I decided to write through some of it with you.

The reason I’ve decided to address some of these issues is that there are so many people who have personal struggles with health who are reluctant to try following such a plan, especially when it comes to making dietary changes, even if it is recommended. When it is recommended, or forced upon us, our unique issues are still in the back (or forefront) of our mind as we proceed. 

Now, I know this isn’t something that everyone has to address. I get that. If you happen to be the one without such a disability, or physical illness limiting your journey, then read along, and be thankful. It is still important to realize that we are all unique in our quest or struggle in every instance. Genetics, predispositions of our DNA, our learned behavior, even our routines and habits, all play a part in how we will approach revision to the way we eat. It is a fundamental foundation block of our lives. It is estimated that the average American spends “67 minutes per day eating and drinking beverages.” That equates to 32,098 hours on just the act of eating in the average lifetime. (http://www.thefreelibrary.com/How+much+time+do+Americans+spend+eating%3F-a0190462486Americans+spend+eating%3F-a0190462486) So, even if you do not have physical issues, I can guarantee that you have developed eating habits! Point being? We all struggle, and we will all make excuses for not making that change!

My list of personal physical ailments is ridiculous. My doctor of 20 years just retired, and I am still in the process of finding new one. She decided it was time, and I understood her reasoning. She saved my life, more than once, and took good care of me. So, I’m spoiled a bit. Nonetheless, I do have an appointment at the end of October with one whom I hope to become my new primary physician. He’s an Internist, and has a Nurse Practitioner in his office as well. I love that setup in a practice. This is no small order, mind you. My charts would fill up the bed of my pick-up truck, never mind that they are now digital charts! There are years of unbelievable crap in those things! You name the tests, procedures, etc., and I will bet that I’ve had 90% of them! 

To underscore this fact, note that I have and/or had Neurologist, Oncologist/Hematologist, Infectious Disease specialists, Rheumatologist, Urologist, Colorectal Specialist (Who chooses that field?! But I’m glad they do!), Gastroenterologist, Ophthalmologist, Cardiologists, Allergists/Immunologists, Dermatologists, Endocrinologists, Family Physicians, Internal Medicine Specialists, Otolaryngologists, Pathologists, Plastic Surgeons, Podiatrists, Pulmonologists, Radiologists, Ocular Surgeons, General Surgeons, Sleep and Sports Medicine Specialists, etc.…Well, you get the picture. Right?! Some of these doctors, I’ve come to know far too well, just through my frequency of need for them! Nonetheless…

So, you can see my reluctance here. Someone who doesn’t know me well, might say that I am a hypochondriac! However, I’m not worrying about having a serious illness, I have some! I’ve just needed tons of doctors to discover and treat what ails me! It really sucks! Nonetheless, I thank the good Lord that I have been blessed with the ability to maintain the level of healthcare I have required! Even with insurance, it isn’t cheap, and I’d rather be fly fishing, and have a house on a lake in Montana than to have paid for all this. So, I try real hard not to be the person whom people are afraid to ask, “How are you doing?!” 

We’ve all known that poor soul at church, or the bingo parlor, or tennis court to whom those four words can never be spoken in the form of an interrogative sentence. It’s like stepping off into a black hole, from which there is no turning back! You are just sucked into a vacuum, and can’t walk away, no matter how hard you try! So, I do NOT want to be that person. Even knowing this, it is difficult to not address something of my health, because it preoccupies so much of my daily thoughts, and existence. This is especially true on the days that it screams the most, or just the loudest. But I still try to avoid it! Hence my reluctance to share it here. I don’t want to be labeled “That Guy!” I’m sorry, I have restated that again. Can you tell that it bothers me? Some of my friends will understand, and chuckle about that, I know. You are the same way! You know who you are!! 

Still, I believe that by addressing what my wife always refers to as my “new normal”, someone may find solace in hearing my struggle. It is always nice to see that you aren’t the only one making the hard choices, or getting the crappy news. It is always sobering for me to see someone else who struggles with something that makes me feel embarrassed that I even mention my issues. It makes me thank God that I am only dealing with what I am! So, maybe it will help someone else to commiserate in how I work to overcome, or succumb to the daily grind as it relates to my weight loss journey. 

Besides, by being vocal about my battles with Crohn’s disease alone, I have been able to help others. People have felt more comfortable coming to me, or calling me, or even e-mailing me about something they were too embarrassed to talk about with anyone else. It must be that I come across as someone who won’t flinch at the most horrific stories? (I can’t imagine why?) This can be especially true if you know of my very broad range of humor indulgence. I can go from very light to very dark humor, but not with everyone. It takes dark life experience to laugh at some things. Otherwise? It just isn’t healthy. At any rate, I digress, and that’s another blog! Now, getting back on track, mind you, I would never assume the roll of doctor, when someone comes to me. Always, I’m going to point someone in the direction of help, or assistance, and advise being checked at the first signs of an issue. Waiting is NOT your friend in such matters. “I’m embarrassed” is the last thing you want to be the cause of your own demise.

There is no telling how many people I’ve been able to help, or point in the right direction over the past 6 years. I didn’t know anyone to call, when the doctor told me, “You have Crohn’s disease”. I didn’t even know what to ask him! So, “What does that mean, exactly” were my wife’s exact words, when I was told. I couldn’t speak, after he told me there is no cure for it. I just tuned out, and heard Charlie Brown’s parents talking. I was floored, and it took a while for that part to sink in to my thick skull. There were no marathons for it, or big promotional days dedicated to it that I knew of. People just didn’t talk about it! It isn’t exactly dining room table conversation. The information seemed incomplete to me, and I kept having more questions come to mind later, when I came out of my daze, but the doctor was gone, and I’m still sitting there in my hospital room staring at the wall. So, I want to be there to talk to those of my friends and acquaintances who need someone to reach out to at the first sign of the difficult to speak of problems. Again, it validates my own journey to do so. 

You see? I’m just not that modest. Ask my wife. I’m just not. I don’t really care if someone thinks less of me for talking about this horrible disease. People need to hear about it! So, just knowing that I have helped people as a result of what I have learned has validated my being vocal. If I can help one more, it's worth it.

Hearing “Thank You” from someone who wasn’t going to the doctor, and had blown off important signs and symptoms gives value to my own personal struggles.The people throwing up in the corner, because of my descriptive freedom (and there have been some) can kiss my ass. There’s an “unfriend” button on there somewhere! They’ll thank me one day, when they are bleeding out their ass like a water faucet, and they are too afraid to go to the doctor, or tell their spouse. They just think “it will go away”, then it doesn’t! That’s when I’ll become a relevant memory again, and they’ll send me a friend request. 

As for me? Since I was diagnosed with this autoimmune disease, I have been well educated in the many variations of this disease, and it’s close kin, Ulcerative Colitis. I have also learned the close kinship that I share with those who suffer from other autoimmune

diseases like Lupus, Multiple Sclerosis, Type 1 Diabetes, even one form of Type 2 diabetes ( https://www.sciencealert.com/type-2-diabetes-could-be-many-diseases-not-one ) They are all autoimmune diseases, and nearly everyone I know who has one, has more than one! 

So, we all battle on many fronts, every day of our lives. We share this in common like a parallel community of sorts. We are the minority of people who are overlooked, and who suffer in silence, because our diseases are considered “invisible” to others. Yep. That’s an actual thing, “Invisible Diseases”. You can look it up.  We tend to have people look at us and say, “But you don’t look sick!” 

There is also the issue of misinformation, and lack of education within the general public regarding autoimmune diseases in any form! Just how much will the average person on the street know about Crohn’s? Lupus? MS? I think about Jay Leno on the old Tonight Show, when I think of this topic. He had a segment entitled “Jay Walking” where he would go out into the streets of New York, and ask random people common questions like, “Who is the Vice President of the United States?”, or “Where in the United States would one find the Washington Monument?” The answers were unbelievable! It was hilarious, until I realized these people vote, and are likely having children of their own! So, the idea that people misunderstand, or know absolutely nothing about these diseases is not a far fetched conclusion. It’s just fact. 

So, I’ll choose to address it, because it is my life, and truly an honest blog. Besides, people need to better understand those of us who do suffer in silence, and who often have to cancel plans, because our body has simply quit on us before we can fulfill the goals of a given day. This is why people have called me! I mean, when a person has Crohn’s disease, jokes about taking long shits are laughable! That’s the least of my problems. 

There is no joke that can compare to the reality of shitting until your insides are literally falling out your ass. It doesn’t get more personal than that! It doesn’t get any scarier than that either, when you feel alone in it. Well, that is why there is nothing that makes me blush anymore, even as a redhead. Well, it’s one of the reasons. I’ve had my bare naked ass stuck up in the air to more people than I can name. I’m just glad I’m not in line for a Supreme Court nomination anytime soon. The questioning about how many people have seen me with my pants off could very easily be misconstrued! 

So, yes, I do have Crohn’s disease. The trigger for me was stress, and an infection from a spider bite that nearly killed me. ( See the brochure attached on Autoimmune Diseases  https://www.a3autoimmunity.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Pats-Fund-Brochure-Inside-Final.pdf ). 

There is no cure for Crohn's, but it is treatable, and mine is currently in remission. Still, ask anyone who has an autoimmune disease of any kind, and they will tell you that when the particular specialist who diagnosed you says you are in remission, (In my case a Gastroenterologist), that only means that the issues related to my guts appear to be normal, other than damage done by previous flares. It doesn’t mean that all of my malabsorption issues are gone, or that the cilia have grown back, or that the issues with my eyes are gone, or that the pain in my joints are gone. It doesn’t mean that the bouts with fatigue are gone. It doesn’t mean that my immune system will not, or is not attacking another part of my body. It just means that in the area this specialist is treating is doing better, and showing no current sign of the disease in the intestinal tract. 

And believe me! Your Gastroenterologist (Or whatever specialist) will look at you, when you ask about those things, and say, “I only treat the intestinal tract.” In part, that is how I ended up with so many doctors. See? It is still an autoimmune disease, and these inflammatory diseases do not care what the doctor said about it’s work in my intestines. It can still have secondary, and tertiary, effects that continue! They are like dominoes, and I am trying my damndest to stop them from falling.

Furthermore, it does not mean that the damage caused by the powerful drugs, like steroids, and immunosuppressants is gone either. All of my nerve damage was caused by Remicade, and Humira. It is documented in my charts. Most of it will never go away. The painful polyneuropathy it has caused is excruciating, and a daily source of pain. I will live with that, possibly for the rest of my life. 

In addition to these issues, I have had high blood pressure since I was 21 years old. It has been treated since then as well. I was also diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes about a year ago. I am more convinced this was from Remicade as well. It is a side effect of it, but I was gaining weight at the same time. So, it is naturally attributed to that by the doctors. I also have gout on top of the polyneuropathy. Do you want to know pain? Forget kidney stones! I’ve been through that a few times. Try having an episode of gout, along with neuropathy. That will test your pain tolerance level to the max. I kid you not. The nerve damage is well documented as being caused by the medications, and I can show a timeline that would prove the same of the diabetes, but why?! It won’t change the end results! This is my “new normal!” 

Finally! Back to the Weight Loss!

That’s the bitching segment in short form. Laughable, and enough of that. Right?! It gets old, you see?! Even to the person who has all that crap, it get REAL OLD! So, I am abundantly motivated to lose weight. I want to reverse this diabetes! I want to be able to combat the weight gain caused by several of my medications! I want to get rid of some of these medications as well! I want to be able to go for longer hikes, and reduce the daily pain I endure! I want to be able to play with my grandkids more! They have so much energy, and I do NOT! I want to live more, and suffer less! Is that too much to ask of myself? 

I’ve reached a point in my life where I just said, “ENOUGH!” I had to have a conversation with myself, and ask sincerely, “Am I doing everything that I can?” “Am I using my illnesses, and depression as a result of my illnesses as an excuse to not do my part here?!” When I looked at my life, I had to answer! I had to affirm that “I can do more!” “I do have a choice!” I may not be able to reverse everything! Certainly, I can’t reverse time. However, I can add time to my life. So, I had to say out loud that “I will not be the cause of my early demise, or getting to a point that I am simply existing! “I wan to LIVE! I want to live, and not just exist.” To do that, I must push harder. I need to do more, and not just write it off as “Well, these medications made me gain weight!”, or I just don’t have the energy to go for that walk today. I can’t keep telling my wife that I can’t join her on a gorgeous day for a hike, because I am in too much pain. Yes. “ENOUGH!”

I can do, what I can do, and I should do what I can do, because if I do not do what I can do, I am cheating myself out of my own opportunity to LIVE! And damn it! That just will not do! 

Today, I woke up, I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and walked to the the laundry room to the scales in my drawers. (I did have pants on for this, Senator.) I have lost over 26 lbs. I broke another wall. I broke the 270 lb. wall. I was 269.5 lbs. It probably sound unmanly to some, but I stood there, and cried. Read this again, slowly, and you’ll understand why. We battle on many fronts. All of us! So, there is never an excuse to not do what we can do.  

~Smyly

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

#Oprah #Weight Watchers #WW #Smyly #Weightloss